Synergy is the Result; It Should be the Goal

"Synergy is almost as if a group collectively agrees to subordinate old scripts and to write a new one." - Stephen R. Covey

This past week, it seemed I was thwarted from accomplishing my daily goals by parents demanding (that is the right word) that I solve a problem they perceived their child was having with another student. In almost every case, the parent felt her child was being bullied or abused in some way by another student who was being mean or purposefully doing evil. In almost every case, the child who had complained to the parent had not told anyone at school what had happened. And, in almost every case, the child was as much to blame for the incident as the person they were accusing of being a bully. As Teachers, you also get these emails and phone calls from parents. 

As I reflect on last week, I ask myself,  why are our students telling their parents they are being "bullied" by others? So often it's not really bullying at all. When we investigate these issues, we typically find that the real issue is that the students don't know how to solve problems with other students, and so they want adults to handle it.

Sometimes students get their own needs met with their parents by making complaints about the school (or the bus or the playground or the teacher). Sometimes kids use adults to manipulate the issue so they are protected from some other situation they are avoiding (homework, low test score, or another issue they want their parents to focus on rather than something about themselves).

The bottom line is that children are not able to solve problems on their own. They are so conditioned to having adults supervising in all aspects of their lives that any issue causes them to look for the supervision rather than try to solve even the most fundamental problem between people.

Habit 6 focuses us on using the attitude of "think win-win" with the behavior of "seek first to understand..." to achieve synergy. Feelings of safety in working with others is inherent in synergizing. We can help students to value their differences, as that is the key to synergizing. It's not enough to tolerate or accept differences. We can help students to see that differences are what make new thinking and new solutions possible. Working together is fundamental to everything these young people will do for the rest of their lives and is not determined by relative intelligence or ability levels. 

To help  our students achieve synergy, we  will want  to be intentional about teaching the attitude of win-win and the skill of seeking first to understand. The notion of listening with empathy is lacking in many students. Eric Jensen's seminal work on his "Emotion Keyboard" from  his book, Teaching with Poverty in Mind: What Being Poor Does to Kids' Brains and What Schools Can Do About It (Alexandria, VA: ASCD Publications, 2009) makes it clear that children must be taught most emotions, including empathy, sympathy, gratitude, and cooperation.

What do our students need to create effective synergy?

When students work under these guidelines, synergy can be created and new ideas begin to emerge.  Student have to intentionally:

• Have one common vision – one common goal
• Be different and value the differences between each other
• Have a sense of self
• Stay open to differences and new ideas – stay authentic
• Embrace trust (this comes from Habits 1-3)
• Accept the better way will likely not be their way
• Offer respect to everyone
• Be able to apologize and forgive
• Practice mindful listening (listen with empathy)
• Maintain an open desire to understand (Habit 5)
• Control negative judgment, suspending judgment in most cases
• Stay with Win-Win thinking (not negative synergy Win-Lose or Lose-Win)

These guidelines are not innate. They must be taught. As leaders ourselves, we can teach these guidelines and insist that our scholars practice them. Let Sarah and me know how we can help in your class with this learning. All of our students need to learn that they can effectively handle most of their problems. Maybe some of the drama can be lessened and kids can feel safer and more interdependent.

"When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That's when you can get more creative in solving problems." ~Stephen Covey

Big Rocks: 
Thank you to Planning Team for helping us stay aligned with our goals. You are such a dedicated group of people to meet every week! Remember, everyone, these are open meetings. Your participation is welcome!

Thanks to Karen and Sandy C. for a great Triad Concert last week! The Cooper kids sounded great! Hearing the leaders sing John Lennon's "Imagine" brings tears to my eyes!

Band-o-Rama is this week! It would be great to see Cooper staff supporting our students!! It's at Franklin HS at 6:00 on Thursday night. Come and hear the progress our students are making in instrumental music!

Schedule for March 2, 2015:
Monday:          ????

Tuesday:         Sarah at Frost for QAR

                        Skate Night at Riverside, 6:00

Wednesday:   8:00 IST

                        11:00 M-Step info meeting 11-4:00 at CO (Terry and Sarah)
                        3:45 Planning Team

                        Family Game Night (5:00 start for staff) 6-8

Thursday:       8:00 Staff meeting

                         DAC (Terry at CO)

                         6:00 Band-o-Rama FHS

Friday:             Cooper QAR Team, 8-11:15 conference room